Thursday, October 2, 2008

broody????...........

Well....I'm 41 and I have 6 children the youngest of which is 9 months.As I'm sitting here at the computer the 4 oldest are watching TV and arguing about sitting space on the sofa and annoyingly giving running commentaries of every little detail of the movie....you would think that I would have had enough by now........why then ,am i feeling broody...that insistent urge that tells me to add yet another to my clan.I wonder if that feeling will ever go away.I don't feel as though I'm really done. Actually I thought I was done after 4. Then I found myself pregnant with number 5.....I have to be honest and say that I wasn't happy about it.....but after a while I got used to the idea and ended up feeling really happy and excited about it....HEY...I thought ,5 kids will be fun!!!!! So I accepted it and that was that. Then at 11 weeks I had a miscarriage and was utterly devastated.I just cried and cried and felt the loss so intensely.After that it was like my eyes were suddenly opened.I think that sometimes we can really take motherhood for granted...I definately had! I suddenly realized what a special and precious privelege it really is....so I had Isabel and 6 months after her i fell pregnant with Alice!!!!!! Don't misunderstand me........I'm not some kind of supermum. It's hard work,relentless,you have no personal space,exhausting,draining and you just have to completely sacrifice your own needs and desires,and trust me there are days when I am NOT enjoying it!! At the same time,it is such an amazing journey,the whole pregnancy and child-birth experience,wondering who this next one is going to be,who will they look like.And that's the easy part......then they get older and start answering you back!!!! I dunno...........part of me says NO WAY you can't handle anymore....that's it,you are definately done....but then that makes me feel really sad and a little voice deep within me cries ooohhh ..just one more????..........also I am getting a bit old!!!!!.......time is running out..........I think my cut off point will have to be 42!!!! oooooohhhhh.....I dunno, We'll see.................

5 comments:

Robin said...

I've only got two, but I can definitely empathize with the whole "do I or don't I" thing - I've been on the fence for about 3 years now, and I'm definitely not getting any younger!

Mary Poppins NOT said...

I have always been on the fence about more babies. But, they came when they came, and then I got off the fence, so to speak ;). This new one due in March was a "surprise" sort of, since I hadn't had one in four years (without trying not to), and I thought I was just too old. Apparently not. So, I take the gifts when they come, and enjoy the respite when they don't.

Danny Brothers said...

I still can't believe you live in freaking Nazareth. That must be something.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I'm wondering how old mary poppins, not is! It looks as though I am too old (45) to have more babies, and it is a big adjustment. I'm just so used to centering our family's activities around the needs of a toddler or a baby! And what do we all do for entertainment now that there is no little one to tickle or laugh at? I wish I had started having kids younger; that way I may have been able to segue directly from childbearing to grandparenting and still have gotten my daily baby fix!

Mary Poppins NOT said...

Suburbancorrespondent, I am 42. Seems old to me ;)